So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
