I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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