If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
