Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize