no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
