i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
i think my cat just said my name.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
