i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
COCAINE IS GR8
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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