i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
