Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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