my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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