it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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