paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
True strength comes from lack of pants
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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