Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
