Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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