No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
