My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize