so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
