just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
