i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
