Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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