Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
