its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
