he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
