Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ ðŸ‘ðŸ¼
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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