I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize