you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
there is glitter all over my balls
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
