Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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