Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
she told me i tasted like america
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
