youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
