cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
vagina is talking i cant
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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