Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
