i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
