and you said cock pushups were impossible
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
