Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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