I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Drunk is not a location!
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
