Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Randomize
