After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
