Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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