mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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