From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
