note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
