Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize