We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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