What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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