Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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