Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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