My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
