I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
