I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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