so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
