They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
