my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Randomize