god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
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