I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
