Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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