Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
