I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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