I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
