I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
