Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
