oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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