if i can run in heels then i can drive
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
This beer is not sobering me up at all
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
