saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
