Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
