weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Damn victory sex feels great
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize