just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
