I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
