This dress was meant to end up on your floor
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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