Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
