I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
