I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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