i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
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