OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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