last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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