If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
